


Not Really

by IAmNotLost



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes (Downey films)
Genre: F/M, In a way, M/M, Onesided Mary/John, Ooohhhh this is kind of angsty? Sort of. I don't know., but it doesn't have to be, sort of movie!verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-07
Updated: 2012-09-07
Packaged: 2017-11-13 17:45:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmNotLost/pseuds/IAmNotLost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wasn't what he wanted. Not really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Really

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little bit of a sad john/sherlock/mary sort of fic.  
> It's more movie-centric than anything, to be honest. It fits the RDJ movie plot a bit better than BBC. But, you could read it with the BBC characters in mind.  
> I don't own anything but the idea for the story.

She wasn’t what he wanted. She was never what he wanted.

She was, however, beautiful and witty and smart. She took care of him, and she loved him, and she wanted him.

She wasn’t what he wanted. But she was what he could get. And second best is better than nothing at all.

 

It wasn’t fair to her, it was never fair. John knew it. Mary knew it. They both knew that she wasn’t what he wanted, and it got to them sometimes. 

Mary, especially. The way he’d drop her in a second to help Sherlock. The way John talked about him like he put the stars in the sky, even when John came home bruised and broken from something stupid Sherlock got him into.

She wasn’t what he wanted.

John wanted the thrill of adventure; John wanted messy apartments and a knocked out Gladstone and a bruised body, even though he sometimes huffed and rolled his eyes. It was just for show.

John wanted Sherlock. John wanted Sherlock, but he could never have him. Sherlock was always one step ahead, always one step away. It didn’t matter if John took a step forward. So did Sherlock.

He was always just an inch out of his grasp. Something John could never have. John knew it, knew it from the first moment he figured out what it was exactly he wanted. 

He wanted Sherlock. Would always want Sherlock, couldn’t think of a time when Sherlock wasn’t on his mind. 

 

Mary saw how they were. Saw how John changed, lit up, when Sherlock was involved. When Sherlock was around. He’d always love him. Mary knew that she couldn’t even ever compare. 

But, John had let Sherlock fix him up on the day of his wedding. He was hung over and beat up, and he’d let Sherlock fix his collar on the alter. Sherlock was his best man, after all. Would always be his best man. The only man.

But he’d tighten his hand on Mary’s and watch Sherlock slip away from the wedding. Watch Sherlock's form retreat until he rounded the corner, and was gone. John would swallow the bubble of feeling down, down, down with a shot of alcohol because he was married now. He would swallow the need to chase and follow and stay with Sherlock, because he had Mary. And she wasn’t what he wanted, but what he wanted could never be his.

Not really. 

 

Not even when Sherlock’s fingers lingered for a moment too long on John's collar, the day of the wedding. 

Not even when he watched John and Mary kiss after their vows, and had to avert his gaze to the ground because he didn’t want to look. Refused to look. 

Not even when Sherlock stood alone, away from everyone else at the wedding, and watched the married couple smile and laugh, and had to leave. Sherlock had to leave, because what he wanted couldn’t be his, either.

 

Mary wasn’t what John wanted.

And John tried, God knows he did, but he didn’t feel it. Not like he did with Sherlock.

She wasn’t what he wanted. But he couldn’t have what he wanted.

Not really.

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped you enjoyed? Sort of? Possibly?  
> I sincerely hope you did, though. As much as one can enjoy a bit of angst.  
> If you catch any errors, feel free to let me know? (:
> 
> And do have a good day.  
> (:


End file.
